Dissolving vs. Breaking Through Resistance in Meditation
I recently read Steven Pressfield’s War of Art, in which he laid out the idea of Resistance – procrastination, fear of failure, distraction, and low confidence in one’s abilities – as a character in life’s shadows, always ready to affect your dreams, goals, and productivity. Resistance is seductive, extremely skilled at persuasion, and has an alluring quality.
In life, when dealing with Resistance, usual advice comes in the form of “overcoming,” “breaking through,” or “persevering,” analogizing the process into a solid wall that has what we want on the other side, so long as we keep pushing.
After committing to a daily practice of meditation, I can say this is not the only way to understand and deal with adversity. The other way is to pause, see things for how they truly are, and walk straight ahead, as if there was no wall. This, obviously, is easier said than done.
The wall looks concrete, but with the right training, we come to see it like the Bloomingdale’s perfume section: a transparent cloud of hundreds of different scents competing for access to your olfactory system. It’s not fun to walk through, but we know it’s pretty temporary. Only in our minds, the scents are thoughts, and just like scents, sometimes emotions arise when we give our attention to them.
So how do we see our blockages more transparently?
Through friendship.
Hear me out.
Abraham Lincoln once said, “I do not like this man. I must get to know him better.”
“This man” can be seen as a representation of our mental afflictions:
negative thoughts
painful memories
feelings of lack/powerlessness
etc.
What would it be like to see them as friends, ones you just haven’t had the chance to get to know well yet?
In order to do so, we must shift our perception of how progress takes place from a “breakthrough mentality” to an “open willingness” mindset. By being receptive, especially to something we often pose as a villain in our minds, we start to see things in a different light.
When seriously trying to learn something new, we usually have a goal set. We’ve set an intention to achieve X, Y, or Z.
With meditation, it’s nice to set an intention – either to feel less stressed, to understand your mind when it’s not constantly berated by thoughts, or to decrease feeling distracted. But beyond the intention, there’s no need to do anything else. Beyond the intention we are mastering the art of doing nothing.
No need to monitor progress. No need to track measurements. No need to see “where you are” relative to other people. No need to judge yourself before, during, or after the meditation. How you are doing is not the point.
The point is, for a few minutes, all that matters is the object of your meditation, a single-pointed effort to concentrate on something, such as the breath. As Sam Harris says in his Waking Up course, “cover [breath] with your attention.”
There is no one right way to meditate, and thus there is no one right way to start. While I am a fan of a few apps, here is the outstanding list of things you need to get going:
Your breath
A promise you keep to yourself to do it every day
That’s it. Everyone has a learning preference, so I wrote down a few ideas for how to get started. This is definitely not an exhaustive list, just find the style that feels the most frictionless. What we’re learning is not to “break through a wall” of resistance, but to dissolve it, and walk through.
When sitting to meditate, ensure that your posture is upright. It’s okay to support your back either while sitting in a chair or leaning against a wall, but it’s best to make sure the head is not leaning on something.
To “break through” something, one needs to exert force. They may be winding up their whole life to break through one wall, and by the time they get to the other side, they’re exhausted. And after seeing another wall in the distance, they mutter to themselves, “ugh, another one?”
To dissolve something, one needs to understand its chemistry. It’s more up-front work, but then it becomes effortless. To dissolve the mental blockades of the mind, we must be willing to accept the afflictions, to be gentle in order to notice extreme subtlety, and to not look for an outcome right away.
Meditation has taught me that concentration is not a spotlight. It’s the stars. It’s a relaxed, effortless attention we devote fully to the present. The practice melts away resistance walls and allows for harmony to exist among all of the different compartmentalized parts of our humanity: our minds, bodies, dreams, goals, fears.
The point is not that we have a firmer grasp on all of these aspects, but rather to simplify, to see clearly what it is we want, and to go about the process of attaining it with clarity.
Option 1: For the Overthinker
Some people feel discouraged when thoughts constantly disrupt their meditation session because they feel the need to remember what they were thinking about. For these people, try this method:
Sit for meditation next to a table, on it place a pen and paper.
Ensure posture is straight and head is not being supported.
Set this intention: For the next 10 minutes, I will do my best to pay attention to each exhale I take.
Set a timer of any kind to 10 minutes.
Close your eyes. Give your best effort to pay attention to each inhale and each exhale. See every exhale fully out the door, as if it was your partner or best friend leaving for a long trip.
While in the meditation, if a thought comes up, open your eyes, and write down that thought on the piece of paper. Then return to the practice by closing your eyes and giving your attention back to the breath.
Your first few sessions may be mostly writing. And that’s okay.
Option 2: For the Analogous Thinker
Some may enjoy a constant reminder for why meditation is useful, and I found Sam Harris’ guided sessions informative and encouraging. There are dozens of apps, so feel free to play around with which style you prefer.
Download Sam Harris’ Waking Up App1
Try the 30 day challenge
Option 3: For the Logical Thinker
Through meditation, we are establishing two relationships: one with our breath and one with our thoughts. We are learning to recalibrate attention between the two.
Therefore, why not try working on each one at a time?
Start with your relationship with your breath. How well do you know it?
Sit anywhere comfortable. Or stand, up to you. It’s always up to you.
Ensure posture is straight and head is not being supported.
Set this intention: I will do my best to pay attention to each breath I take.
Take 8 full consecutive deep breaths. Count them as they appear. If thoughts try to sneak in the crevices between inhales and exhales, so be it. If we feel like we’re turning our attention too much to our thoughts, hold your breath at the top, then return to the count.
After a couple of weeks, or until it feels easier, try meditation practice #1 or #2 for relationship with thoughts.
If you’re meditating on your breath, here are key practical tips.
Exhale – if you have to pick one element of your meditation practice to make sure you’re fully present for, make it the exhale.
Pay attention to any subconscious breath holds or quivers at the juncture between inhale and exhale. Stay fluid between breaths. Slow, diaphragmatic breathing coupled with no pauses in between inhale and exhale has been observed to boost HRV, a leading indicator to cardiovascular health.2
Relax your jaw – it’s one of the main signal muscles that tells the rest of the body to relax.
Before the practice, when setting an intention, keep a light attitude. The practice becomes transformative when we let it do its thing without the need to control, judge, or expect anything.
There are just a few, super simplified ways to make meditation a habit in a way that works for you. It’s a super flexible practice once you get the hang of it, and I recommend the breath as a gentle introduction to the practice. If you give any of these strategies a go, would love to hear how it goes!
I have a free month on the Waking Up app - feel free to email me for it.
Steffen, P. R., Austin, T., DeBarros, A., & Brown, T. (2017). The Impact of Resonance Frequency Breathing on Measures of Heart Rate Variability, Blood Pressure, and Mood. Frontiers in public health, 5, 222. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2017.00222